reaching vs. searching

when i was in italy during college i got really into printmaking. scraping, carving, etching an image deep into a surface. then you ink up the plate and the lines you have carved remain untouched by ink and the image comes forth with weight against paper. there is satisfaction in the repetition of inking, pressing, releasing. there is satisfaction in the great variety that can be produced with a single etching. i don't know what's making me think about this, i suppose am trying to tie this process into the process self realization.
one of the prints i made was became titled, "Searching Searching Searching" well, it was longer than that, but i only remember that part. there was a lighthouse and the beam of light was ceaselessly searching for something to bring out of darkness. i am reminded of that now. i am feeling like i could use a lighthouse right now. i KNOW there is a nice sandy beach somewhere very close by but i don't feel it between my toes yet.
i have noticed that by reaching for food i am in a sense, searching for lightness. of course what i end up getting is everything but lightness: heavy heart and gut. what is it that makes me reach for food in order to search for peace? many times i've read that people with BED (binge eating disorder) report a sensation of feeling "empty", and that eating literally fills an intangible void. by eating to the point of gross discomfort, the mind is so distracted by the feeling of physical fullness that there is no longer room to even consider the emotional emptiness.
at the time, the print that i made in Italy spoke of this feeling of emptiness. it might have had something to do with a broken, lonely heart. it might have had something to do with the angst of being a senior in college. i was in one of my favorite cities in the world and yet displaced by my own propensity for melancholia.
the list of reasons to not be happy could be endless. the list of reasons to be happy is shorter for the simpleness of truth. love and peace are always within reach, always within.